today’s been a very difficult day in terms of anxiety and also physical symptoms which i am assuming is sort of anxiety IBS bc i think i’m otherwise okay (diarrhoea, nausea, the obvious anxiety i feel you know, 60% of the time)
i feel better now physically and mentally but i feel very tense and very unhappy about how my mental health is progressing because i feel like i should be better than i am by now. i began the process (again) of getting proper regular psych care in february after an episode during which i didn’t recognise my boyfriend (downer…) and increased levels of self harm and all that stuff but honestly i am no further forward now than i was then - i am not self harming atm and depression is aight but anxiety is still on occasion really really debilitating and i have had no therapy, nothing, just seen my community mental health nurse a few times but as a keeping tabs thing rather than a therapeutic session. was referred to therapy but due to my complex history and their assessment of me as high risk i was discharged immediately. this process took over a month and because you can’t be receiving two different types of treatment (i.e. my nurse AND therapy) i had been discharged from the psych place on the assumption that therapy would accept me, which they didn’t, and so had to be re-referred there. again.
i am feeling pretty low about it. feels like even when i engage with treatment (which i find difficult anyway) nothing at all happens and nothing moves forward. i don’t know what is going to happen now. i can’t have CBT because have been deemed too high-risk by the CBT-providing group. but no one has told me what i will be having instead. before i got sent off to the ill-fated cbt group they were discussing day hospital, but those plans are no longer applicable because i was discharged in order to receive CBT which i dID NOT FUCKING RECEIBJKFGKJHJFD
my mum is getting very angry about the whole situation and wrote them a letter asking for clarification on where next the psych stuff is going to take me. no response. she handed it directly to them a week ago. she says i need to write something about how i feel, all of it, and also how i feel about how the psych services have treated me. probably somethingl ike this actually. but yeah i will do that. and i’m just feeling really low and hopeless. like am i going to tread the line between functional and non-functional all my life
1 month ago with 2 notes