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what's up fellow kids

lolol when me and my mum & dad lived in singapore we used to make tapes and send them to my doting grandparents so they would hear me chatting and progressing (i was 3 here)

i found the tape again it is my favourite thing

i preferred listening to the tapes than making them

3 days ago with 7 notes

man i don’t have a meeting with my care co-ordinator until the 10th, which is really fine but as soon as she was like ‘i’m on annual leave, if you need anything the duty doctor is on call’ i was like FUCK FUCK FUCK I AM ALONE I AM ABANDONED AND I CANNOT COPE ON MY OOOWN

whereas i have trundled alone without seeing her perfectly fine for the past few weeks

it’s like my valium - i don’t take it much but i like knowing i could

4 days ago with 2 notes

wtf i just slept for 11.5 hours :|

6 days ago with 1 note

i want a nap but i have to wait until my care co-ordinator rings me back I JUST WANT TO SLEEP

1 week ago with 1 note

i posted something similar on mob but it didn’t go through so it probs will later and you can be doubly updated

i went to group - it was ok, had horrible diarrhoea this morning b/c was so nervous (tmi but true) 

the weirdest/worst thing was that i was a) only person under 30, and b) the only girl

what the fuck haha. i was so prepared for a group full of middle aged women but i was not prepared for a group full of middle aged men. i did say (through gritted teeth) that i was surprised to be the only girl there and the woman running the group was like ‘yes there should have been another 3-4 but they haven’t turned up’ so maybe they’ll show next week

confidentiality rules etc but there was a cool guy i really liked (session guitarist) and a very worried-looking man in a suit. the rest of them sort of merged into one middle aged man

i did absolutely not see this curve ball coming, universe, so thank you

1 week ago with 3 notes

i say this all the time but at moments of heightened stress it always comes back to me - thank GOD ben is so chill and not so highly strung i think we’d kill each other if we both were anxious people whereas ben is like a large stone he just sort of sits there like a calm presence

[19/08/2014 22:43:17] Cham: you’ll have to like
[19/08/2014 22:43:22] Cham: fuck around in town while i’m being therapised
[19/08/2014 22:43:29] Benedict: just going to join in
[19/08/2014 22:43:35] Benedict: yes am very anx
[19/08/2014 22:43:40] Benedict: get worried abooouuut
[19/08/2014 22:43:46] Benedict: twiddes thumbs
[19/08/2014 22:43:48] Benedict: long silence
[19/08/2014 22:43:55] Benedict: not enough cake!

1 week ago with 2 notes

welp nearly 2 am, group therapy in 9 hours :/ going to allocate 10 minutes to getting dressed + brushing teeth bc group therapy is not a place i want to look remotely cute for lol

i bet they’re going to go round in a circle and ask us to introduce ourselves and that anticipation of having to speak and having all the attention on me - i hate it - i could never read out loud in high school either

the first session is only an hour and then 2 hours for every session after that. how aboooout 0 hours 8-)

i am so close to bottling!! but i know i have to at least give it a go so i will go, but idk if i can stay for all of it argh! i can generally do things if i know i have an escape route and can leave at any time so hopefully if i remember that i will be ok. this is voluntary so i am free to leave the room at any point and it doesn’t matter this is a group for pathologically anxious people they are not going to judge you for being twitchy + jumpy

pleeease give me good thoughts + kindness, very anxious about this anxiety therapy (hahahaha) 

1 week ago with 4 notes

i am very very anxious today bc of group therapy starting tomorrow! it would be a good time to tell me nice things

1 week ago with 3 notes

me just now: well we only have four placemats so what will ben have
my mum: ben doesn’t need one, he’s so neat
my mum: and considerate
my mum: and soooo nice

wtf he’s not that nice

1 week ago with 0 notes

weirdly unsteady on my feet today, just got up and like wobbled all over the room :x think it’s anxiety (or i’m dying)

1 week ago with 0 notes